if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I love you. Go after that dick
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