Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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