what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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