She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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