dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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