Yo dont text me then not text me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
