Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
