No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
