Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
