It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
