he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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