Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
