Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
