Tell her she can't have a vagina
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
