Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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