But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize