Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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