I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
