the condom got lost in my hair
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
