closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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