you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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