Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
