I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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