Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
