you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
