i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
