Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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