I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
