I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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