How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
