Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
