If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
