I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
