I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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