I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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