So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
