shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
