AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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