More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
