I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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