Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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