I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
