It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize