Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
