3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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