The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
