Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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