I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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