Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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