I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize