Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
40s are totally the cure
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
