never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize