Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
