She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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