oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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