Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
