I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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