hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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