guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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