I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
