weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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