I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
