I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize