apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
