there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
