Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
