grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
