I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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