Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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