well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize