is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
