she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
