Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize