Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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