i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
