Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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