how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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