At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
