Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
