omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
...so i touched it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
