everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
