My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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