your thong is hanging out like whoa
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
