Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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