You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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