someone get that fucking seahorse.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
