he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
