apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
