I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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