Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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