i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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