i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
