Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
