Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize