If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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