david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
