yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
