Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
