I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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