you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
