did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize