I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
