I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize