hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
it's like heaven, but drunker
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
