Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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