I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
