I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize