Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
