I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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