and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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